#I could be wrong but I feel like Gale had more content when I romanced him in my first playthrough

[miramelindamusings]

Re-playing BG 3 with a wild magic sorceror Tav. She's a drow named Nimue, and its been a lot of fun! I thought about perhaps Halsin as her romance but, as I kept playing, Wyll really shone and was perfect for this Tav! He's so sweet and funny and I love his banter! I'm only on Act II but I've been enjoying his romance so I thought I would draw something and learn how to draw him and Nimue :)

[fire-emblem-drabbles]

What Comes After

Pairing: Astarion x reader

Prompt: In which you couldn't convince Astarion not to become the Vampire ascendant, but still do not allow him to do the ritual.

Description: You really did fall so hard, and so, so fast. No wonder when the ground came to meet you did it hurt just as much. But perhaps its not too late to stand back up again, if someone was willing to lend a hand.

Rating: sfw

Content Warning: hurt/comfort

Word Count: 3018 3244

Notes: I had to save scum this so much on my file that was romancing him. And well I be thinking about him a lot lately... I literally have no idea where these words came from btw so I hope u enjoy them! Edited: 10/6/24 Fixed some spelling mistakes and grammar, added a lil more flavor and tried to make it all present tense lol also this has a title on ao3 now it does here too

“It’s over,” Said with such disdain, such pain and hurt, directed your way. “I’m done with this, and I’m done with you.” Venom, dripping and cold. What happened to the warmth in his eyes? To the love that once shown in them, when he looked your way? “I would say good luck out there, but honestly? I hope you die screaming.” He looked so broken, so hurt.

You hardly remembered what came next, beyond your own tears. Astarion simply… left. Walked away as you crumpled to the ground, in disbelief. As you begged him to say. When you told him, over and over again, that you loved him.

Karlach and Shadowheart must have dragged you out of those dungeons, otherwise you might still be there, wallowing in your pity. You don’t remember how long it had been since then. Since you had stopped Cazador from ascending, freed Astarion from his grasp… and tried to convince him not to ascend himself. Your words may have failed to reach him that day, but your actions didn’t. You severed the connection of your tadpoles, kept Astarion from seeing his scars. You would not be the one to allow such evils to be birthed, would not allow him to kill 7000 souls. You did not allow Astarion to become the vampire ascendant.

Astarion, hurt, broken, and lost, then choose to walk away from you and everything the two of you had built together over this adventure.

You hadn’t really been the same, since then. Where once you were the leader of your little ragtag group of adventurers, now you couldn’t find it in you to leave your tent. Well… Astarion’s tent, to be precise. You never had one of your own. And when the two of you got together, it just seemed natural to share.

Gale had taken over in leading everyone for day to day adventuring on your behalf. Even though you wished it, the world would not slow down because you were hurt. No kindness spared on your broken, broken heart. Yet you couldn’t stop wondering where you went wrong. Were the two of you not as close as you thought? Could you have been more convincing, hells, more intimidating, anything to have kept him by your side?

It must be night now. Your candles are all stuffed out, the bustle of the streets beyond are quiet, and you can’t hear the patter and stomps of Scratch and the owlbear cub playing around camp. Your tears have all but dried, even if your sorrow remains as fresh as a new wound. No, all is silent in this moment. You take a deep breath. Yes, it would be best to sleep. Maybe tomorrow, you would wake up and feel like a person again. One who could attend to all her duties. One who could save Baldur’s gate.

But sleep never comes for those whose hearts are so heavy. This isn’t the first night you’ve lied awake, thoughts wondering. All for the better, perhaps-- because in the heavy quiet of the cities dark night, you hear the flap of your tent open with the utmost quietness. And you, just as quiet, sit up from your laying position. Who ever has invaded your space must have dark vision, for they pause upon seeing your form and do not move an inch.

“I can see you there.” Your voice comes out, gravelly and rough. You don’t sense your in danger, though, even as your heart beats and pounds in your chest. Who would be stupid enough to steal from a camp full of adventurers, with an owlbear lurking around no less. Still, with some trepidation, you cast the cantrip for light, and watch as your messy tent (and new guest) are bathed in cool, blue light.

“Oh,” Is all you think to say. You can’t really trust your eyes, so you rub the days of built up sleep and sorrow from them. No, you can’t even speak his name as you stare upon him. But you dare not look away. Even if it was a dream, it was him. It was him.

“...You’re a mess.” His words are soft, quiet. He seems to relax a little when he sees you make no movement.

“...I suppose I am.” You clear your throat a little after speaking, if only because a new lump seems to be forming now that you look to him. “How… how can I help you, Astarion?”

“Gods…” He heaves a heavy sigh, looking over your pitiful form. “I’ve hurt you this much, and you still think to help me? Are you stupid?” He shakes his head in disbelief.

“Perhaps.” You nod softly. “Stupid enough to fall in love with you, after all.” You can only smile weakly at him.

“I came here too…” He frowns, looking away from you for a moment. He seems to reconsider what he was going to say, sighing and shaking his head before speaking again. “Well it doesn’t matter why I came back. You clearly need some sense knocked back into you.” With that, he moves in closer to you. Surprised, you move in a little in order to accommodate him. You try to ignore the beating of your heart, ignore the hope that rises within you like a phoenix from its ashes.

“What… are you going to do?” You turn to him, nestled into your side like he might have been not too long ago.

“Talk, as terrible as that sounds.” He keeps his gaze down, looking at the messed up bedding. What does he see, in this room that shows the layers of your sorrow?

“Talk?” You repeat. “I thought you… didn’t want to see me again.” You look to where he keeps his eyes trained. All you see is a monument of your regrets.

“Well, that was then. This is now.” Astarion looks to you. To the bags built up under your eyes. To your cheeks, still rosy and sensitive with just how many tears you’ve shed (for him, no less). Your hair is unkempt and as gross as you are, all he can see is someone that loves him. Its bracing, in an entirely disgusting way. After all-- he was the one that did this to you. “I… said and did some terrible things during that ritual. Things that… looking back, I may not have done were I in the right head space.” He swallows hard. “I was… scared. And the promise of power, the smell of blood… it was all so intoxicating, I forgot myself there for a moment.”

The two of you sit in the silence a moment, festering in it. Words dance on the tip of your tongue but Astarion isn’t done speaking. He, too, needs a moment to compose himself. “But… you never forgot who I was.” He looks to you, something soft, something sad, something gentle written into the contours of his face. Even as he turns to you, he struggles to meet your eyes-- shining, glimmering, with everything sweet and promising and loving in them. Something that he doesn’t deserve; not after the actions he took that day.

“You did everything in your power to convince me what I was doing was wrong, but all I could see then was the security that power could bring me.” He closes his eyes, taking a sharp intake of air though his nose. “I was so blinded, I could not see that with you by my side, I was the happiest I’ve ever been these past 200 years…” As he opens his eyes, he looks down to his folded hands, then over to yours before quickly looking away once again. You realize, with much sadness, that even now as he tries to burrow into your familiar warmth, he hesitates to reach out and touch you. Maybe he felt as if he wasn’t allowed to do so any more, or perhaps felt he was no longer worthy… Whatever the reason, it breaks your heart just a little bit more.

“I… see.” It’s a lot to soak up. That in the moment, you couldn’t reach him but in the days sense Astarion has realized maybe this was for the better. The thought hadn’t even occurred to you that he might consider that. That he might actually miss you too.

“You saved me from becoming the very man I lived in fear of, and all I gave you in return was heartbreak.” He seeks your eyes, his own wide and wet and you realize he’s crying now. Tears flood your eyes as well, because he was right; you cared for him so much, though, it almost didn’t seem to matter. Almost. “How can I ever expect you to forgive me?” With that, he breaks, closing his eyes roughly and crying out, sobbing into his own hands. It hurts just as much as when you watched him sob after killing Cazador.

Some how, you summon new tears to cry with him. Two, love sick idiots broken and hurt but not beyond mending-- not yet.

“It’s okay,” You find yourself struggling to say the words, even as you usher him into your arms and hold him. He does not hesitate to hold you in turn, to cry unto you as you into him. “We’ll be okay, I promise, I promise.” Your words come out as prayer as you hold him close. “Just don’t leave again, please!”

“I won’t, I won’t.” Astarion seems to compose himself more quickly than you do, but he does not let go, even as you know your tears stain his shirt. “I’ve got you and I won’t leave you ever again.” He rubs his hand along your back slowly, doing his best to try and comfort you in the same way you have for him in the past. It’s a long moment before you feel yourself begin to breathe normally again, before your tears once again dry and you find yourself staring into his red eyes once more.

“I love you,” Your words are softer than a whisper, said with a trembling smile.

“I love you too.” Astarion responds in kind, resting his forehead against yours. You two stay content a moment, settling into one anothers missed company before he speaks again. “But you’re disgusting-- let me take care of you.” He pulls away from you and your left no room to argue. You merely blink, owlishly, as he pulls back. He moves to stand but you grab his hand before he can get too far.

“Where are you going?” You hold on to him with both hands now, and he has to pause to take the sudden fear on your face. Astarion had planned to leave to return with a little wash bin and rag but seeing you so distraught makes him pause. The last time he left you, he didn’t come back… He can forgive your sudden clingyness, then, but not how you’ve let yourself go in his absence.

“We’re going to get you cleaned up.” With a bit of a struggle, Astarion gets you to rise to your feet next to him. “Don’t make it more difficult than it has to be.” He adds. You nod slowly, still a little on edge from the panic that just flooded your system but nonetheless, choosing to trust Astarion.

So, with the difficulty that comes with only having one hand, Astarion pins open the flaps of the tent (your light cantrip soon goes out as well, but the inside is illuminated but the torchlight of your camp). Some of the stale air you had been living in gets to escape, and you’re able to take a fresh breath of air you hadn’t realized you needed.

Astarion gathers his wash bin, and the rag, and with you in tow, rummages through that the travelers chest you seem to toss anything and everything into. But, avoiding unmatched boots and careful not to prick himself on all the arrows that are in there (and trying not to think about how they were likely dumped in there after he left), he finds what he was looking for-- some soap. And though the water is cold, and the night is cool, at least with a little bit of soap and his careful hand, it’s not all bad.

“You need to wash these clothes too,” Astarion huffs. “I know you have other things, so let’s get you into something cleaner.” You’re guided back into your shared tent (which is already starting to smell better, but the scented water is helping as well) while Astarion rifles though your clothing. Here together again, you finally let go of his hand but stay close to him.

“Thank you…” You pause, watching him pick out something comfortable and warm. “I can take care of myself, though.” You add, attempting to take the clothing from him.

“I’m sure you can-- but I want to take care of you.” He doesn’t let go of your clothing as you try and take it. “So, let me.” His gaze flicks up to your eyes and you’re surprised to see him look so stubborn.

“Oh,” You let go of the clothing, surprised. “I… That would be nice.” You say it quietly, still too caught up in him being here, being real and touching you, loving you.

“Now, out of the nasty clothing, if you would.” He persists, grabbing the hem of your current shirt. He pauses before lifting it though, looking to your face. “That is, if you’re okay with me…” he trails, unsure.

“It’s you, so it’s okay.” You assure him. You raise your hands so he can take off the offending, stinky shirt, and toss it aside. Next, he removes your pants, tossing them the same direction.

“This might be a little cold,” Astarion tells you, but it doesn’t stop the flinch (nor the shiver) as the cool rag touches your skin. Still, his touch is delicate and careful.

He first wipes your face (part of it, still covered in blood and dirt from that same battle). He dips and wrings out the rag, before continuing his work. Your chest, your arms, legs-- all of you, gently washed and cared for. You realize this is the first time he’s been so intimate with you in a non sexual way. It’s… nice. To see his brow furrowed in concentration, have his hands upon you just hold you. It’s not like the two of you went entirely without touching one another in that time, but to have him initiating it, warms you in a way you’ve needed since his departure.

“Now, back in your clothing before you catch a cold.” You nod at him and smile, sliding on the familiar pants and shirt with comfort and ease.

“I already feel a lot better, thank you.” He smiles softly, but sits you back down.

“Just let me attend to this rats nest, and we can be done.” Astarion reaches for his comb, and sits beside you. “Lean back so I can wet your hair, darling.” He guides you down, with your head over the basin, and cups his hand to gather water before wetting your hair.

You let him work quietly, until your hair is wet and he can begin working out the knots starting at the ends. When the comb runs freely through your hair, he grabs the soap and carefully massages it into your scalp, scratching here in there. You let out a sigh in content, and Astarion can’t help but smile softly.

He was still shocked that you even talked to him-- let alone let him touch you. But the two of you needed this. To hold and be held, to love and let go. He was a fool to ever think he could be without you. But he was lucky, then, that you were fool enough to let him back in.

With your hair washed, combed, and dried and the water dumped and wash bin put aside, Astarion lets you sit back up and look at him. “So… what happens next?” You ask softly.

“Well… I’m not sure.” He admits. “I didn’t think you would forgive me so… I hadn’t really thought much beyond that.”

“I suppose we get our rest, then.” You heave a heavy sigh. “I know I’ve taken enough time off from adventuring… And you have some friends who deserve an explanation as well.”

“More talking?” Astarion groans softly, but makes no move to leave your side as you lie down and tug him with you. “But… you are right.”

“You’ll be okay.” You give him a good, full body squeeze. “Everyone here cares for you. They’ll be willing to hear you out.”

“Perhaps only with you by my side.” He lets out a little chuckle. “But… that’s not such a bad thing.” He readjusts in your grasp, snuggling close and turning towards you. “Rest well, darling.” He kisses the top of your head, and smiles down at your sleepy expression.

“I will, now that you’re here…” It didn’t take long for sleep to find you, wound up in Astarion’s arms. You hadn’t slept so well in days, and who was he to wake you when you looked so peaceful…? It seemed like time passed so quickly with you in his arms, and before long he could hear the sounds of everyone else waking in camp.

Astarion couldn’t help but grow anxious as footsteps grew closer to the tent. “Solider, you in there?” Karlach’s voice called out. “I know you haven’t been very hungry lately, but I brought you some breakfast…” Unable to do anything to stop her, Astarion watches, helpless, as Karlach pokes her head into the tent. In the bright morning light that pours in with her, all he can do is look at her with wide eyes as her mouth begins to open. Acting fast, Astarion speaks before she does.

“Shh, just let them sleep a while longer…” Astarion turns from Karlach, brushing some stray hairs from your face. “When they’re ready to wake up, I’ll… I’ll be ready to.” He turns from you, back to Karlach, a look of surprise and glee on her face.

“Right! Right… I’ll be quiet!” She gives him a little thumbs up and quickly retreats from the tent. But… Astarion can hear Karlach, even if she is all the way across camp. First, she tells Jaheira, then Minsc, and Minthara and Lae’zel overhear… Then Wyll, Shadowheart and Halsin of course overhear and then Gale finds out, and now the whole camp is aware that he’s back here even if they are being remarkably polite about it….

Still, it brings a smile on his face. To know they were so excited to see him again (maybe even if it was only to see you happy again) was a comforting thought. To be among friends… That was something truly special indeed.

“Astarion…?” You wake slowly, eyes barely open as you look to him, hold him a little tighter.

“I’m here,” Astarion assures you, giving you a squeeze in return.

“Good…” You close your eyes and cuddle back into him, letting out a small yawn. “Let’s stay alone for just a little longer yet.”

“That can be arranged.” He can’t help but smile, and relax into you. Everyone else could wait a little longer yet-- you deserved what ever you wanted in this moment. And if that happened to be him, well, Astarion was in no place to say no.

[fainlin]

I never really wanted a Gortash romance, like yeah it'd be fun but there's far more things the game needs done to it than adding more content that would just end up being incomplete. And, I think that is what is upsetting me more than the loss of the Franc letters. Act three is still a mess, Wyll still has less content than literally every other companion even his quest in act three isn't even really his it's a Balduran lore dump. Halsin is still pointless past act two and feels like he's just there to bang, and Minthara still is a mess. There's still content from EA just sitting around, voice lines that make no sense, pieces of content that go no where and are entirely pointless and instead of addressing any of that, Larian seems more focused on changing little things and sanding down their own characters. They feel like they don't even have confidence in their own writing anymore, it's not EA so I don't see why these things are really necessary other than to try to please everyone and end up pleasing no one. Removing the lanceboard scene when the guy in question literally only has eyes for himself, to the point I wouldn't be shocked he has a mirror on his ceiling to watch himself get railed by himself. He has no interest in Mol in any way other than to pluck her soul because he's a devil. He's just gross like that. Then to make Lae'zel nicer, like sure I like the changes for approval I guess but certain changes end up feeling more like they're fan servicey and less about actually improving the game. I understand the outcry when people thought Larian had changed Gale for a moment because Larian keeps doing things exactly like that, albeit in small ways. All I really want is for Act three to have impact and not be as flat and pointless as it is, for the main two villains to actually be villains instead of feeling like cheap tiny lil mini bosses when Raphael gets to feel like a real boss and he's not even main content he's entirely optional. Losing the slithering wet malice thing isn't even that big of a deal to me what is though is the fact they're willing to completely give up character personality and not even address that they're making these changes in the patch notes. It feels like I have to go in and take stock of every letter and every book and every dialogue option before it inevitably gets changed because Larian has no spine when it comes to their characters and their writing. It just sucks, it doesn't feel like this is making way for any new grand content it doesn't feel like anything but sanitizing at this point. I don't even really understand what could come from making Gortash bland boring tyrant no.56093 because yeah anyone could write that, it makes him entirely less memorable and I hate that because Orin and Gortash really deserve so much more than that, they deserve to be as fleshed out as Ketheric thorm, but instead they're just fucking jokes. If that was Larian's goal well I think they succeeded. TLDR; Act three is just incredibly unpolished, and I don't see why kissing animations and changing small little flavor letters, and making characters nicer and this and that really solves any of the actual problems the game still has. Sure it's nice, but I'm tired of seeing this be what the game has ultimately devolved to. Really hope I'm wrong, hope there's big content on the horizon, maybe the upper city making a come back, but I'm not gonna hold my breath.

Edit: And to be real here, I still like Gortash, I'd still love a romance if one ever happened. It's just I'd really like it to be thought out and not just well thrown together and spit out really fast. I just really want the game to be complete and it's best cause I really love it.

[chronoxtreme]

The Cage - Chapter 18 Author's Notes

First of all, here's a link to the chapter in question! CW: Discussions of a relationship with power imbalance, discrimination based on sexual anatomy So, fun fact - everything with Yurgir was not in the original, second or even 4th draft of this fic (and when I mean draft, I basically mean "attempt to think this monster's details out," not an actual draft). Chapters 17 and 18 were supposed to be one chapter, but migraine + insane wordcount + me getting a new position at work basically nuked that idea. So I split it in two, and honestly, I believe it's for the better in terms of pacing.

Nanne's whole "I don't like to use charm-like magic" comes from seeing Da use it on other people. Friends was that guy's favorite cantrip, and while it can get you what you want, it can also burn you. Nanne's much less risk adverse than Da, so they avoid it. Enhance Ability though is fair game because it just makes you better at certain things.

The "homicidal hat trick" line by Gale is a shout-out to Mistborn, one of my favorite book trilogies.

And then we get to the second "twist" of Nanne's backstory: Maria. This is a part that wasn't in my first stab at writing Nanne. Originally, they had no experience with sex or romance at all. However, I realized that them having some romantic history gave them a lot better motivation for their behavior around Astarion pre-seduction. At the same time (and this was unintentional) their experience with Maria became a foil for Astarion's sexual encounters with patriars.

I also put a lot of myself into that story. I'm transmasc nonbinary, and when I wrote that scene, I wasn't out to anyone, including my husband. Thankfully, he's been extremely supportive of me and my identity, but it took a lot of courage to talk about it with him. It's extremely difficult to come out to people who have a certain expectation of who you are. Writing about Maria's rejection was a weird sort of catharsis.

It was also a story where I wanted it to be messy, especially from Nanne's POV and how they describe it. Nanne had zero intentions of having a relationship with their employer, it kind of just... happened. And while it was doomed to failure from the start, Maria was attracted to them. There was a "chance" of it working out. That's what makes it really sting, in my mind. It was problematic at best, coercive at worst, and Nanne wasn't in the wrong - but for so long, they've lived with an emotionally immature parent constantly talking about how difficult it was to raise them, the sacrifices, the burdens, etc. and that gets to you. So naturally, if something goes wrong, it is their fault. Finally, the song! This section ended up being a lot shorter than I expected it to be, but honestly, that's another thing that I've been working on in the "this is for me first" category: not being afraid to release chapters with wildly differing lengths. Yes, it will happen again, that is a promise lmao.

Like the Dawn is one of my favorite songs on the planet, and when I listened to it after playing BG3, I realized that it perfectly described Nanne's thoughts about Astarion in the sunlight, and the rest was history. This is a moment that I could rewrite a thousand different ways and still never be satisfied because how in the world do you write about a person SINGING without it coming off awkward as hell? In the end, I think it worked out okay. I'm not satisfied, but I'm content.

Nanne's using Faerie Fire here, because if bards can use singing to do magic, why not do magic to enhance the singing performance? I've always loved fic/media that's used the world's magic system for stuff like special effects in performances and plays - it makes the world feel alive and Nanne is a bard first and foremost. The bigger the spectacle, the more coin they get. Is there a bit of illusion magic thrown in? Maybe. Hey those Weave lessons with Gale paid off!

Astarion running off was also not in the script but it turned out that way. I don't think it's a bad thing for him to keep feeling guilt. I do worry that it comes off as repetitive and cyclical, but in my experience that's how guilt works in real life. You feel good, you forget about it, and then someone says or does something, and it all comes crashing down. It's tough... and next chapter's gonna be even worse lmao.

[home-halone]

Disclaimer: Assume All BG3 Spoilers. VERY LONG Rambling. I'm just a rando with a blog, these are my personal frustrations and I'm not trashing the characters, writers, or other people's enjoyment of things.

You know, after seeing all the companion word count + runtime statistics of all the BG3 Origin Companions, I really wanna acknowledge the fact that Astarion did get a disproportionate amount of attention and care. It sounded like his arc has been mostly consistent since EA and wasn't subjected to extensive rewrites (iirc? from an interview with Stephen Rooney, his writer) so it wouldn't be out of the question that Astarion's storyline & romance got more time in the oven than the others did, so to speak.

So yeah, even if length/run-time isn't strictly the only metric for a good & satisfying storyline, the amount of content definitely contributed to how well-received Astarion's romance is. He had a lot more screentime than anyone else. In fact, from what I understand, they were short on time during production and one of the reasons for his additional Dark Urge-specific content was because the Companion design lead had been writing the Dark Urge storyline while writing for Astarion, and they managed to squeeze content for both in. That's not a bad thing in itself. A lot of love and care went into Astarion, and it's evident because so many people resonated with him. The bad thing is that the others didn't get the same treatment.

Especially in comparison to the runtime of Wyll's romance. And it's so tragic. His romance is so heartfelt, earnest and sweet, and I wish I had MORE of that? The length of his scenes are a fraction of Astarion's. It's truly unfair, because there's so much of this tender dynamic with Tav left unexplored.

I have to admit I haven't seen all the other romances, but I have seen Astarion's, Shadowheart's, Wyll's, Gale's, and part of Karlach's.

Rant Start

Gale's in particular frustrates me so much. I went into BG3 figuring he was my type of love interest. The sort of masculine guy with facial hair, he's a little bit goofy with a dark secret. Totally my type. I thought it was very compelling and prime for angst. But even though the others' romances left me wanting more and wishing there'd been more content, Gale made me feel like... it was so unsatisfying?

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed him. I took him with me as a permanent party member to the very end. I romanced him all the way to late Act 3. Tim Downie's performance sold the charming and dweeby wizard-boyfriend so well. Gale’s quips and dialogue could be silly, but very profoundly romantic when a scene called for it.

But even with all the things I enjoyed, I found his content to be lacking in a different way. It felt disjointed. Like there were two sides of him written:

The opportunistic power-hungry wizard struggling with his past with Mystra, his role as the idk 'vessel' I guess, for the Netherese Orb. Him having to decide between detonating himself or not.

The conceited ☝️🤓 (affectionate) wizard in your party who is also quite endearing and romantic.

I can't seem to reconcile these two sides of him as being the same person. Yes, I know people are multifaceted, and that he can be both these things. I just feel like the game failed to present these sides of him in a way that meshed well enough to demonstrate his ability to slide between these two sides of himself.

ok but who is he?

It was really hard for me to believe that he was power-hungry for some reason. He didn't really behave in a way that demonstrated this trait, when the text wasn't spelling it out for me, like whacking me over the head with "he is being obsessed with being more powerful rn". I guess I wanted to see that outside of major story points, that he's prone to this behavior.

Instead, he struck me more as invested in learning more magic in a standard wizard fashion, who... somehow ended up crossing a literal god's boundaries in the past I guess??? I know that's not the full extent of what he is, but that's the vibe he's giving off, because he's fairly benign and seemingly levelheaded outside of world-ending events.

I think part of the reason for my difficulty in believing this part of him is the... I guess lack of a driving force behind this behavior? The text explicitly ties his self-worth into his prowess as a wizard, but... why. I wanna know why and dig right into it. Gale Dekarios I want to put you under a microscope. Why is he hoarding power to the point of self-destruction and sabotaging what good standing he had with a goddess he worshipped and adored? He seems to have a good relationship with his mother and he has Tara at his side, so it’s probably not because of things at home. Is there just a wizardy slippery slope from "I wanna know more than I should" to "I wanna kill god and take her place"???

Like, who are you? Why is this so important to you to the point of obsession?

"Gale's Ex"

I know there are different takes on it, like when Minsc mentions that the Rashemen hide away "weave-touched boys" and he posits that perhaps it was "...done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys."

I think, if the text weren't so neutral in its depiction of Gale and Mystra's relationship it would have made for a really compelling facet of his character. Instead, it's repeatedly framed like Gale and Mystra had a pretty pleasant relationship and that there was only a falling out because of the incident with the Orb.

Like, yes, what Minsc says was in the text, but with it being said by Minsc, a character you don’t get until the third act, and with this dialogue being so out of the way, it feels like this info is entirely optional to the narrative. When. It feels like. It shouldn't be.

If this were baked into his storyline better, it would give Gale more depth. Instead, I have to sit here and headcanon it.

I imagined Gale as a fairly unremarkable kid except for his apparent calling for magic that leads to him earning the attention of a goddess. Finally, he has a sense of worth. He's exceptional. He works harder, learns more and more and more. He enjoys the renown and respect it brings. Here's the goddess of magic who mentors him, but then basically grooms him, and betrays his trust (whether by abusing the authority she has over him or some other way).

Headcanon aside, I'm surprised she didn't break his trust in some way. With the way Gale talks about Mystra in the later part of the game, you'd think his desire to USURP GOD AND NEVER BE BEHOLDEN TO THEIR WHIMS AGAIN was a wholly personal endeavor. That feels way too personal to just be a vendetta against your ex. I know Mystra's supposed to be a Lawful Neutral deity, but I'm sure they could have written something that objectively upholds the integrity of magic while being super fucked up of her to compel Gale to do.

I also feel like his constant desire to be more would also be because of the perceived (emotional) security his abilities as a wizard had brought him. Becoming more powerful led to more fulfillment. This one is a little more apparent in the text, but it also feels like, if you want to go against this, you're being punished for trying to tell Gale he's enough.

"ur enough to me gale"

In the romance scene in Act 2 with the stars, you get opportunities to indulge in magic with Gale. It leads to more intimate moments, and there are multiple points where you can flat out tell him that you don't have to be impressed to love him for who he is without all the grandstanding. And if you take that option, you actually miss out on some genuinely beautiful and romantic scenes. INSTEAD, you get a really brief scene where you're plopped on a magic bed and he just agrees to do it your way. No elaboration or validating your choice.

Like yes the 1080° Space Sex scene was a little comical, but it's also a thousand times way more intimate than the other outcome. Narration makes a point to highlight the intensity of the act. I know magic is Gale's thing, but if the whole point of this is trying to convince someone they are appreciated just as they are, why is this the more rewarding option? I don't mean this as a complaint that the magic bed scene should have been a "more explicit, hotter" version. Like, yeah, it could have, but that's not the point. My point is, it doesn't really give a satisfying outcome. Spawn!Astarion's Act 3 sex scene is tame as hell (everyone's clothed) compared to the Ascended!Astarion one, but the emotional payoff was really good. Astarion opens up to Tav and it establishes a feeling of intimacy without being explicit. And that could have been a possibility here!

But it wasn't.

I read accusation on some reddit comment once (I know this isn't representative of people who enjoy his character regardless) that anyone who feels put off by these sides of him are because people can't stand a love interest having an ex. But I don't care that he had a past entanglement with someone who isn't my Tav. I care that so much of the dialogue revolves around it. I know it can't be helped because he's a wizard who was Mystra's lover and Chosen. Plus from the narrative POV, he's also tied to the Crown of Karsus.

Maybe I am not remembering it correctly, but it felt like Gale was still very much in awe of Mystra, while trying to romance you. Like you're on a first date with someone who can't stop sighing about their mindblowing but toxic ex and you're there awkwardly trying to comfort them, knowing you're just the less-bad option.

It starts off quite forlorn (when he's staring at her likeness formed from the Weave) and turns into a petty ploy to get back at Mystra as an ex who happened to be a goddess. I felt like I should step back and give Gale some time to get over it or end up in an unhealthy relationship myself lmao. It's not even framed that way in-game (I would've eaten it up) because it's supposed to be sweet and romantic when he asks you to marry him.

But there's also a disconnect. Because while the scenes focus so much on Gale and his poorly processed feelings on Mystra, he also just goes right into saying he’s feeling seen and loved and found someone worth living for because Tav reassures him. The jump feels so abrupt. It doesn't feel like any of the scenes or interactions really support that? The sudden sweeping ride-or-die declarations that he can't live without me?? It doesn't feel earned. Not in the way I felt like I earned Shadowheart's trust, or even when I glimpsed into Astarion slowlyyyy lowering his guard for example.

Even if his reputation is that he is quick to romance, I actually found his route really difficult. The slow start, getting no affection other than a somewhat flattered reaction to your interest until mid-Act 2 under the stars... That huge gap of nothingness in-between because most of his plot was concentrated in Act 3... It honestly didn't feel like he was interested in my Tav outside of being supportive towards him. I didn't feel like I was a friend or companion to Gale, the way I felt like Shadowheart or Lae'zel were truly endeared to my Tav. Gale's role vs the Netherbrain is so pivotal, that's where his arc truly lies. Until then, his growth feels minimal. So I almost feel like a Tav romancing him is a cardboard cutout character, instead of someone supporting his journey. Maybe because of how little you actually get to be by his side. Even when he finally confronts Mystra, he does that entirely on his own.

And it's sad because!!! He is interesting to me!! He says some really beautiful and touching things as standalone lines. But even then, the game makes me feel like the feeling is not truly mutual LMAO.

Anyway just to recap, the source of my frustrations with Gale's romance:

Perceived disconnect between 2 aspects of himself

Larger focus on his role in the main quest even in romantic scenes

Lack of a deeper motivation for seeking power on the level of godhood, or even just more insight to his behavior

Pacing issues with his romance, mostly slow in actual progress but makes abrupt, unbelievable leaps in affection.

[thevoilinauttheory]

After School

[ FFxivWrite2021 Prompt 22: Fluster ]

[ Content Warnings: cheesy romance so sweet it might give you cavities, the barest implication of sexual themes towards the end (wouldn’t call it nsfw though) ]

[ Maximiloix learning magic, something something title lol - Earth - Water - Fire - Lightning - Wind - Ice ]

==

Their path to the next stop was a long one - from one end of the Shroud to the other, eventually making it to the ever chillier Coerthas area. It was as Caromont wanted - the winter moons were setting in, and the snow was making its return. The cold had never bothered him, it was one of the things he was thankful for… considering that winters were the worst here. Caromont, too, wasn’t as affected by it - though he always underestimated just how cold it got.

“Maxieee…” It was cute to hear such a stoic man whine, then watching him hold together his robes to keep out the wind. “It’s yer fault fer not thinkin’ ‘bout it ‘gain!” He barked out a laugh as he stopped off to the side of the road to dig in their bags for a thicker coat. “Good thing *I* do. C’mon, c’mere.” He wrapped the coat around his husband, leaning down to kiss his forehead. The bags got thrown back onto his back before they continued on again, though the trek didn’t stop Caromont from trying to tuck himself against Maximiloix for more warmth. Their hike took them north, where the winds howled over the cliffs, using canyons as their flute. They stopped at the edge of one, sitting down to enjoy the scenery and time company, overlooking the horizon of white.

“So what’s this one, ice?” “Wind. Ice will be in Western Coerthas - just a bit away from Falcon’s Nest.” “So what’s wind ‘bout?” “Wind is used for a great many things - usually for harming opponents with biting or cutting gales. Much like these ones. However… I use it to calm. It is gentle and soft, it can bring peace as much as it can blood, if not more so. Many people associate wind with something like a breeze, with good memories or feelings. For those in hysterics, I have found wind to be the element they react the most positively to. I feel as if many should turn to using wind like that, considering that it is a basic conjury spell - and conjurers are to help and heal others.” “I see…”

“Would you like to attempt using a spell for more than just its power? Perhaps we could attempt to combine elements in a safe manner. There is no threat of danger here, it would be perfect for practice.” “Yeah, that’d be nice.” He watched him twist the second to last crystal into his lance - finally studying just how the crystals shone. In and out, breathing with life, some brighter than others; they called to him in an unknown language, a need to be held and loved. Maybe that was just the work done by Caromont, begging to be put to proper use. He stared at it with the same awe he gave his husband. “Yer doin’ somethin’ t’it, aren’t ya’?” “Hm?” “It… has this feelin’. S’more than jus’ crystals, ain’t it?” “Ooo - you got keen! Yes… just a little help from me. A tiny sliver of aether to keep them sustained.” “...I don’t think that’s it.” “No? What do you believe it is, then?�� “...” He thought for a moment, staring at those stones. Each one held some meaning, some wonderful feeling he never wanted to let go of; reminders of how much he was loved, how much he laughed, how free he was. “Memories.” “You know me too well.” Caromont smiled softly, running his fingers over and around the elements with his own fondness. “So that you may never forget, that you will always have a means to remember when you feel you may lose yourself.”

“How could I ever ferget?” “How could you, indeed! I will be miffed if you do!” He laughed, passing the lance back to its owner. Maximiloix knew better - he saw something, though he was never comfortable sharing his visions. What a curse that must have been, to see things and not be able to warn others of them, to be forced to watch and see what happens. He never asked Caromont about them, what it was he saw exactly, never pressured him to share; at first he didn’t care to know, but now he wished to simply out of want to be a support. He smiled at him, that was all he *could* do… but it let him know that he was there, if he did want to speak of it.

“Right, so…” Maximiloix stood up, brushing the snow from his pants. “What’re y’gonna teach me?” “Something warm.” Caromont stood with him, taking his free hand in his. His touch was so gentle, the schoolchild crush fluttered in his heart again, only causing him to smile even more. “Focus on what Coerthas feels like in the spring and autumn… slightly warm, gentle breeze. Guide the fire carefully, slowly, into the winds around you; just enough to feel the warmth in your skin and nothing more. It is all about control.” Maximiloix started his focus… only to end it soon after, looking down at Caromont with a dorky grin.

“Oh, dear, what are you planning now…?” Caromont laughed, watching him tuck his lance back into its place on his back to take both of his hands. His catalyst was still upon his body, making the spell easier to cast; his eyes closed again and in the feeling of being close to his love was the warmth easy to bring forth. It wasn’t quite how Caromont had told him to envision it, no; he took to those memories placed in his weapon and turned them into magic. How could he describe such a feeling? It was soft, it was comfortable, warm, it brought a hearth to his home - it was so deeply filled with a love he never imagined was possible. “Maxie?” He could barely hear his voice, the breeze that whistled past his ears as he focused on those feelings and nearly drowned in them. It was the thumb under his eye that brought him back, wiping away at tears that had flowed just as easily as the smile that followed. “Why are you crying, is something wrong?” He shook his head in response. “S’perfect.” “Well… so is your spell, it seems.” Caromont looked to the grass which had shown itself under the melting snow, just as green and bright as he knew it to be in any other moon. “Flowing with life too, taking every element and making it your own… I knew you were a special one~.” Maximiloix snorted, waving one of his hands dismissively, turning his head away to avoid the red on his face from being stared at. “Ain’t that special.” “Special and beautiful~, look at those brilliant eyes.” Caromont reached up to force him to face him, and he stuttered over his words for a response - he couldn’t find one.

“N- Now yer jus’ teasin’, stop it - thought I was here fer lessons.” He huffed. “So cute~!” Caromont brought his hands down his neck and back up into his hair, ruffling it with a bit of warm wind from himself - yet despite the gentle heat, it made him shiver. His fingertips were cool compared to the magic, dipping down his spine and drawing them back up. Maximiloix bit down on his lip, turning his eyes away from the ones that bore into his soul - they knew his every thought and every action, he had never felt so naked and vulnerable before meeting him. “Caro… now ain’t th’time fer that.” “And why is that?” He didn’t have the words, he couldn’t say no - not that he wanted to, anyways. He was just trying to get away from the embarrassment that filled his cheeks. “Outside.” “That never stopped you before!” Caromont laughed. “No, you are just too flustered to know what to do with it all - did I overwhelm you?” “Fl- Flust-- overwhelm? N- No, I-- mmn.” He huffed out of his nose in annoyance, folding his arms over his chest to turn his head the other way. “Aww… you are so adorable when you pout~. Okay, okay. I will stop.” He stood on his toes to give him a kiss before drawing his hands away from his head… not without yanking on the strands first, of course, knowing exactly what that would elicit from him. A deep, low and loud moan crawled out of his throat on accident; and he threw his hands up over his mouth and stared at his husband with disbelief that he would do such a thing. “C- Caro!”

His misfortune was only laughed at, leaving the poor man cold to return to the cliffside - only to be caught by the collar and dragged back for smothering kisses and touches. The warmth and breeze in his fingers that drew goosebumps out of both of them, graces of magic between them in some soft secret whispered to them. “Like hells yer doin’ that n’gettin’ ‘way with it.”

[sunflowerwizard]

Thought I may as well make a proper intro for my Baldur’s Gate 3 main character (full bio under the cut)

Name: Aele'nor (pronounced like “Eleanor”)

Age: 28

Race: Githyanki (exiled)

Class: Evocation Wizard

Background: Hermit

Notable Features:

Practically never seen without her coat

Often seen fidgeting, particularly wringing her hands

Claims to have once been a terrible nail-biter, but hasn't done so since the crash

Has difficulty making eye-contact

Prone to rambling about subjects she’s interested in

Has a series of deep scars across her upper and middle back

Backstory: 

Aele’nor had what should have been a very standard Githyanki upbringing. It was as rigorous as it was brutal, meant to craft each hatchling into a deadly weapon. Aele’nor endured training and fought well enough. She saw death, caused death from an early age. Never once did she forget just how easily her life could have been snuffed out instead. It was her talent for falling in line and an aptitude for the weave which kept her useful. But she never once believed her usefulness would last forever.

The last moments Aele’nor spent within the Creche are a blur. Whether she left of her own volition or was abandoned in the wilderness to die, the result was the same. She was 18 years old, and alone.

This alien world was called “Toril”, and more specifically the Sword Coast. As terrifying as the change was, it represented a rare opportunity: to live life precisely as she wanted. Which was to say one of magical study and solitude.

Over time, Aele’nor’s interest in Faerûn grew albeit out of necessity as much as curiosity. A hooded cloak or Disguise Self would blend her seamlessly into the crowds of Baldur's Gate when need be, allowing her to observe the culture more closely. While it was clear she would never truly belong, the strange world began to feel far less strange. Perhaps she’d grown fond of this quiet existence, content to never come face-to-face with one of her kind ever again. It was as Aele’nor contemplated this possibility that the sun blotted out and the tentacle descended-

The ghaik it seems have a cruel sense of irony.

Companion Relationships

Platonic:

Astarion- Even with her limited knowledge of Vampirism, Aele’nor doesn’t particularly enjoy trusting a Vampire Spawn. However she also won’t deny she’d much rather have him as an ally than an enemy. The issue is what to do should Astarion ever suddenly become the latter.

Gale- Talkative. But talkative in a way she appreciates. It’s been a full decade since Aele’nor has interacted with another wizard extensively, and it’s refreshing to hear his insight. His condition certainly creates a unique problem. One that could prove very difficult to tackle in the long-term.

Lae’zel- Aele’nor can’t help but be slightly terrified of Lae’zel, though she presumes the woman herself would have it no other way. She isn’t sure how Lae’zel might react should she learn Aele’nor isn’t truly a Githyanki, and until then their relationship is mostly predicated on a lie by omission.

Shadowheart- It seems a vast understatement to say they got off on the wrong foot. Aele’nor has generally given her plenty of space when not absolutely necessary. At the very least it seems Shadowheart’s initial judgements have softened--if only a little.

Romantic:

Aele’nor had performed some observations on romance and courtship in  Faerûn culture (a portion of that “research” being pulp romance serials), but only from the perspective of an outsider. Not once had she imagined herself becoming infatuated, and especially not the subject of another’s affection.

Wyll completely changed that.

He was the first person in so many years she felt safe to open up around. He was her confidante amid all this uncertainty and chaos, and she his. Aele’nor wondered if perhaps the man who so desperately wanted to be a hero was in need of saving himself. Being around Wyll further cements her hope that there might really be a place in the world for her. But for as much comfort as he provides, her growing affection hurts. Even if he felt the same, could a well-regarded nobleman ever be with someone like her?

[mega-ringsandthings-world]

Hi, I am the anonymous who asked for people who like single Katniss.

(I guess I will call myself Pepper in future, I am too much of a coward to send an direct ask )

It is just when I carve for Hunger games contents, all it seems is things I don't like. All hg fanfics and analysis being about Katniss' love, her kids and all just wears me out. And there doesn't even seem to be any Peeta×Gale shippers (At least they will leave Katniss alone and out of the mess) Especially if you just change the gender, Gale seems to be Peeta's type. (Don't know about Gale)

You are the first one whose opinions seems to resemble mine and thought you would know someone like that. (Your "Capitolite" post is the one that lead me to your tumblr, loved it).

I rather read a fic or analysis about Katniss living with her sister and being in friendly terms Gale and Peeta than the epilogue Collins (I think she aimed for a sad one, but people ignore it because "she is married and have kids isn't it the ultimate happiness") gave us. The whole love triangle was unnecessary. At least she could do is turn it into a poly relationship or avoid either Peeta or Gale falling in love with Katniss. Then she didn't have to rush up thing and chuck Gale out at the last moment.

And I do agree (a little) with your posts about Peeta. Where my disagreement come (this is going to be very controversial) is on the fact that Peeta had strong feelings (of any type) for Katniss before the arena.

Just come on, who remembers the crush you had when you were 5. Especially when it is goddamn stranger (not really a stranger, but you get my point, Peeta doesn't know Katniss enough for those feelings to settle in.)

Then why does he seem to know so much about Katniss? Remember him saying that his father said that he had a crush on Katniss' mother. It is not the sort of thing you forget and does leave an impression on you. I think his feelings for Katniss was somewhat similar to the one Katniss had for at the beginning, a mild affection mixed with some curiosity. He kept tabs on Katniss the same way she did to him. It is possible that he heard more about her from his father.

And I think on the interview, Peeta decided to play the tragic lover part, which is going earn him a lot of sympathy (And sponsors). I don't think he remotely thought of Katniss involving in his plan and probably thought that her indifference and her presumed relationship with Gale is going to play in his advantage. Haymich is the one that wanted to make it a two way. And in the arena, Katniss taking care of him seem to have made him fall in love with her. (I could be very wrong as no else seem to have this opinion and it's been a while since I read HG). And him distancing from her later struck me as an I-am-sorry than a dislike for her not returning the feelings.

His many bizarre I-have-a-crush-like actions (I don't remember them all, lol) could be chalked down to the ones of a person desperate to live. (I remember his mother telling him that he will not live, that can do a number on anyone. And Haymich doesn't seem very supportive of him)

I think their (not necessarily romantic) relationship was of mutual benefit and satisfaction though not necessarily healthy.

Anyway thanks for reading my rant (?).

Hi Pepper! So, I'll start off with saying that it does wear me out too. The story of the Hunger Games is a very rich story that goes beyond just a YA book, and yet in it's media and it's fanbase, it seems to be all about the romance, and most of the content is soaked in the starcrossed lovers bit. But to be fair, I have seen some GaleXPeeta content, but I never gave it a passing glance since it's not my cup of tea. Although, Gale being Peeta's type is an interesting thought, but Peeta certainly isn't Gale's type. Gale loved Katniss because he grew up with her and they shared a social class and experiences. I'm glad found someone of (sort of ) the same mind as me! I always wished to find more hg fans who think like me.

The ending didn't fit right with me, Katniss still seemed too restless to settle down and she never wanted kids. So I didn't like it. I think the ending was too rushed, and we could have benefitted from a longer epilogue or even another book going into more detail about Katniss's future. But we were never going to get a poly relationship, within the story it would not have worked, and the author isn't someone who does poly relationships. A lot of what is wrong with the books is because of the author's viewpoint. Okay, I see your reasoning on Peeta, and it's an interesting viewpoint! And I share many of your thoughts, but I see it just a bit differently. It was very clear that he remembered Katniss and loved her, or rather he loves the idea of her he has in his head. Katniss remarks often on how he sees her differently than how she actually is. And Peeta is very smart, he knew from the beginning how to play the game. He figured telling people about his love would make the gamemakers go for a couple angle, and that would be a way to save Katniss, plus getting both of them out alive. And he was right. He's not the type of person to act out of desperation, even in Peeta's lowest moments he never acted desperately. Katniss says herself that Peeta was playing the game, and she was right. The problem is that he presumed Katniss had a secret affection for him. He thought she loved him deep down like he loved her.

But she didn't. She had zero affections romantically for him besides a sense of obligation and curiosity because of the bread. In the arena he seemed thrilled that she was finally "coming around." And he definitely got angry at Katniss when she revealed she had just been faking, she says herself that he was pushing her away and acting coldly and unfair. He would pretend in front of the cameras in order to keep himself and her safe, but then not talk to her, and it's only until a whole six months later that he finally admits she was right to pretend to keep them both alive.

Their relationship was necessary to keep them both alive, and they would have been wonderful friends. But Katniss should never have been with him romantically. As @kapriccosa says, the way that Katniss is written as needing Peeta to survive and find peace (plus having his kids when she was clearly reluctant to) is a trope that really isn't the best.

Katniss needed to be free as she could of any entanglements that had the taint of the capitol, she needed to be able to figure out who she was when she didn't have to be preforming for cameras and or surviving. And it's really irritating that we didn't get the slightest bit of that.

[takingcourage]

Detected

Pairing: Jaime x MC (I do write for other pairings. I promise)

Word Count: 1,600

Summary: Sometimes the ability to read minds makes it difficult to keep secrets. 

Note: This story was written as part of my 150 Followers Celebration and fulfills kiss prompt #15 (Kissing someone to stop them blurting out a secret/something they’ll regret). 

Your lunch has arrived! And your boyfriend too. 😉

Arden’s phone screen lit with the incoming text, and her face followed suit as she read. When Jaime had suggested coming by the studio to have a meal together during the middle of the week, he couldn’t have expected just how hectic her morning might have been, nor what a reprieve it would be for her to spend a few minutes of time with him in the midst of copy deadlines and interviews and research…

She proofed her email one final time, pressed send, and rose from her chair to meet Jaime in the entry. They’d managed to keep their newfound romance from her coworkers for the past couple of weeks, and she wasn’t in any hurry to change anyone’s perceptions. It wasn’t that she had any qualms about dating Jaime. If anything, the relationship made her look good. But for the moment it was just simpler this way. She still wasn’t sure how seriously Alec took her in her new role, but she was fairly certain that being at the root of office drama wasn’t going to improve the interactions she had with her boss.

Grabbing her phone and keys, she left the desk and turned the corner out of the writing room, headed for the hallway and the outer door that led to the lobby of the building.

“Gale?” Alec’s voice curbed her step and she turned on her heel to face him. “I’ve said it before, but get rid of those shoes. They look like you pulled them off a thrift-store mannequin.”

I don’t think thrift-store mannequins have feet… at least they don’t in the ones I’ve been to. Alec’s really stretching today. Tony's voice popped into Arden’s mind, and she had to fight the urge to giggle at her coworker’s observation.

For a moment, all Arden could do was blink, trying to take both comments in stride. By the time she spoke, most of the edge had gone out of her voice. “I’m not getting rid of them, but I will try not to wear them on camera again.” Playing nice with Alec always meant walking the fine line between caving and fighting an unnecessary battle. 

“See that you don’t. You’re the new face of Northbridge News, Gale. Don’t make me regret promoting you.”

Somebody needs to say something to this jerk. If he thinks he can keep demeaning her like this, he’s got another thing coming.

This time, the voice wasn’t Tony’s, Arden realized with a panic. She pivoted toward the sound to see Jaime taking the hallway in long strides.

"What's your boyfriend doing here, Gale?" Alec's face contorted into its signature sneer as he turned questioning eyes on her.

I've got this, Arden.

But the flash of anger in Jaime's eyes sent her heart to her throat. There was no way this conversation would end well for any of them if she allowed him to speak. Instead, she braced herself and took action.

Jaime was still a step away, so she sprang forward, throwing her arms around his neck. Startled by her sudden burst of affection, he faltered back, arms coming to hold her in place as he caught his balance. 

Their lips met in a kiss, and though she wasn't one for passionate public displays, Arden employed all of her skill to give him a kiss that would wipe all thoughts of Alec from his mind. 

Insistently, her tongue slipped between his open mouth, running along the inside of his lower lip as she pulled him closer. She pushed up on her toes, almost wishing that she'd remembered Alec's footwear recommendations earlier so that she could have the extra inches. 

Jaime made up the distance, bending his head down so that she could reach him easily. If he had been startled by her abrupt beginning, he now played along as though it was something they’d planned in advance. The moment he scraped his teeth against her bottom lip, she knew that his immediate frustrations with Alec had been forgotten. With one final, emphatic smooch, she stepped back, confident in the feeling of a job well done.

Perhaps a little too well done, she mused upon realizing just how lightheaded she was in the aftermath. It was a wonder she remained standing after leaving that kind of embrace.

The absence of her own thoughts did not keep others from piling in, however.

Damn, was all Tony could think.

I knew it! I knew they were dating! courtesy of June

You could have given me some warning, Arden. Not that I'm complaining, but... Jaime’s cheeks were bright red, whether from embarrassment or arousal, she couldn’t tell. 

Only Alec's comments came through with a full voice. "Save the drama for the cameras, Gale. And please get your boyfriend out of my studio. I don't like his face."

"Then it’s fortunate you're not the one dating him, Mr. Burdock," she replied curtly, hearing the objections in the thoughts of her coworkers. She'd take care to see that Jaime left their lunch date with no doubt as to how very much she adored his face, but trotting that information out in front of her boss didn't seem productive. "I'm taking my lunch now. I'll be back in twenty minutes to finish my research for the evening broadcast."

"Fine."

"Woohoo!" June cheered in the background when they clasped hands. "I knew it. Didn't I call this weeks ago, Tony?"

"You did. And I guess that’s what all of that smirking was about back at the library..."

Arden's face turned a deeper shade of scarlet as the voices faded. Jaime wisely remained silent until they'd passed through the building’s front doors, but she could read his concern anyway. 

"What happened back there? I know you weren't planning for anyone at work to find out we were dating until later...."

"I just panicked,” she told him truthfully, finding a seat on one of the benches outside the studio. “And making out with you in front of the whole office seemed preferable to having you throw down the gauntlet at my boss."

I certainly enjoyed it more, his thoughts told her, though he said only, "I'm so sorry, Arden. I didn't mean to put you in that kind of position."

"It's fine," she evaded, flipping open the top of her carryout and stabbing the contents with her fork. "They were going to find out eventually regardless."

"Sure, but I still feel bad. I shouldn't have been so upset with him. I just hate it when people undermine you, Arden."

"I know you do.” Conscious that their time was limited, she piled in a quick bite of pasta. Arden chewed the mouthful with amusement, remembering the many times they’d stood up for one another in the past. He'd never risked the principal’s office except on her behalf. 

“And honestly?” she started again, wiping sauce from the corner of her mouth. “It’s kind of flattering to know that you’re willing to put yourself in danger to keep me out of trouble.” 

Like Burdock poses any great bodily harm...

"Fair point. But I still think we need to establish some parameters. There are just some battles I have to fight on my own, and when it comes to Alec, I'm better off doing it solo."

"Even when he takes advantage of you?"

"Jaime, this is a cutthroat business. It feels even more ruthless after everything that happened with Ellen. If my boss wants to insult my shoes, I'm not going to let it get to me. I’m not going to bow to his every whim, but I am going to do everything I can to prove him wrong when he questions my abilities. I can’t do that if I get myself fired over something dumb.”

"But you know I'm always there on the sidelines, right? And if he crosses any of your lines, Arden, you'd better let me know."

"I promise." She extended a hand to squeeze his shoulder. “Alec Burdock isn’t going to come between me and achieving my dreams.”

“There’s my best girl,” he acknowledged, smiling. 

“I’d better be your only girl,” her voice rose in a faux reprimand. 

“Always.” 

_______________________________________________________________________

“I’m going to have to go back in there soon,” she groaned minutes later, packing up her leftovers.

“Would it help if I went in with you?”

“Ugh. No, I think that would make things worse. And who knows? Maybe some insane story has broken in the last fifteen minutes and everyone’s forgotten about the scene we made.” Her eyebrows arched with an optimism she didn’t feel. 

“They're probably all just jealous that you snagged up such a paragon of masculinity.”

Arden snorted at his self-aggrandizing. “And now I’m starting to question my taste in men...” 

He captured her lips in a kiss. No, you’re not. 

“No, I’m not,” she agreed when he pulled away. “But you’d better not call yourself that ever again.” 

“Noted.” 

“I really do need to get back in there before Alec sends someone out to get me,” she insisted with a glance at her phone screen. 

“I should probably go too. But I’m only a call away if you need me.” 

"It’ll all work out. On the plus side, I can probably get by with at least a peck on the cheek next time you come to visit me at work.”

“I can’t wait.” He gave her a parting kiss before turning toward the parking lot.  

“And Jaime?” She caught him just as he was walking out of earshot. “Before I forget, I like your face.” 

[shooter-nobunagun]

[12] abnormalize

Things that I can’t show to anyone are flooding my mind I’ve gone lost in a world where not even mistakes exist Things that no one can satisfy are flooding my mind But if this is where I belong, that’s not enough for me

Warnings: masturbation, incestuous thoughts

The wind was turning raindrops into pellets by the time Jack reached their flat, not even bothering with the umbrella at this point--the gales had pretty much rendered it useless the second he’d left the school grounds. He was used to it though; it rained constantly in London, and even on days when the rain didn’t fall, the clouds covered much of the sky like it did now, reflecting his gloomy inner disposition that was so clearly etched into the scowl on his face. Even Nobunagun, who usually dismissed his snarks as “man-period mood swings” seemed to sense the vibe, and left him alone for a change.

Something was shifting; not just the circumstances that surrounded them now, nearly halfway into their exchange, but something inside him. Adam was still currently in his honeymoon phase of dating, and though Jack had thought that, when his brother finally broke out of his shell and started acting like a normal human being for once he’d support him 100%, he was starting to feel that this might not be the case. Even though Adam rarely regaled anything about what he did with the other Ogura unless Jack prodded him, just the knowledge of the existence of a new bond--it didn’t sit well with him.

Like something precious had been taken away...

“Tch. Of course he’d be out...figures.” A dark room greeted him as Jack finally wrenched the door open, completely drenched from head to toe and making a small puddle in the entryway. He hadn’t expected Adam to be home at all at this point--though it might’ve been nice, maybe, to be greeted with a dry towel and even a hot drink.

But no. The flat was cold and empty, and seeing as how Adam had given zero indications as to where the hell he was or when he would even be back, it would be up to Jack to mop up the floor himself, dump his wet uniform into the washer and figure out just what he was going to do about the damp-to-soggy notebooks that had taken a beating inside his bag. Grimacing, he ended up just dumping the contents all over the table--screw figuring out how to dry them now. The whole day’s punishing exam schedule and watching the increasingly nausea-inducing flirtations between Adam and Sio were driving him to the edge, and all he wanted to do was just lie down and rest for a bit, not even bothering to take a shower or anything of the sort.

He flopped onto the bed, hair still damp but at least he managed to change into dry clothes. The room was dim but Jack didn’t bother with a lamp; what was the point, at this rate who knew when Adam was going to be home, if at all, and just thinking about having to scrounge up dinner from whatever was leftover in the fridge or the local conbini caused him to lose what little appetite he’d already had to begin with.

To be all alone...it wasn’t something that he’d ever really experienced, at least not in such a complete sense. Adam had always been there for him, was the one that he could count on no matter what...but now with the addition of Sio, that bond seemed to be dissolving before his very eyes. He briefly considered just sending a quick text to his brother, but even that thought sent a wave of anxiety through his chest, and his hands pushed the phone off the bed and onto the floor. Was it hate or fear that he was feeling? Jack couldn’t tell; all he knew was that his thoughts were currently obsessing over how Adam felt about them now, about whether or not his brother would still consider him to be the most important...or whether that new girl Sio would take his place.

'Congratulations Jack; you’ve complained all these years about Adam being a prude and now you get your wish. Good job.’ Funny how things that theoretically should be all right never turned out the same in real life. Like his current girlfriend Nobunagun--never in a million years did Jack think that he’d actually find a soul like her’s, fiery and demanding and even pushing the bounds of what he enjoyed when it came to sex--but as for whether or not she’d ever overtake Adam for the top place? Could she? It was true that he found himself greatly enjoying their time together, even if it didn’t involve sex--looking forward to all her random whims and middle-of-the-night texts when she’d suddenly thought of something and just had to tell him, somehow were just as exciting as a romp between the sheets.

‘It’s normal for twins to have different lives; it’s normal for Adam to be like this, he’s never had a girlfriend before so...naturally, he’d be really into her...right? Right...? We’ll still be twins, no matter what happens...’

“Right, Adam?” The last part was whispered out before he knew it, and Jack shuddered a little from the strange feeling that was clouding his head. Or maybe was it because he was cold from the rain? The weather, his mood, and conflicting thoughts about Adam and his relationship with Sio and with himself as twins, and Jack’s own romance with Nobunagun whose sister was dating Adam... Jack groaned and pulled a pillow over his head; too many thoughts swirling around, and none of them were close to being resolved anytime soon. If only he could stop thinking so hard...back in England, he had never been the type to really worry, or think so far into the future--and now all that laidback confidence he’d entered Japan with was gradually being replaced with the uneasy reality of what might happen when things came to an end...

Slowly, while his mind was still in that hazy confusion of fear and emotions and just plain exhaustion, one hand crawled up the front of his un-tucked shirt, absentmindedly stroking his own stomach in an attempt to relieve the knots. It felt, nice...though the anxiety didn’t completely abate, it was relaxing to focus on something that felt good, instead of the fear that was threatening to eat him alive. The warmth reminded him of when he and Adam were young and shared a bed, cuddling together underneath one giant blanket each night and waking up with the reassurance that their other half would always be there.

“Hmmn...Adam...” Jack sighed and rolled over slightly onto his side. He wondered what his brother was doing now, going on yet another after school-date with his girlfriend. Nobunagun had originally suggested a double-date, but Jack wasn’t exactly in the mood for that at the moment. Even though it would have made sense...something inside just made him freeze up. “Stupid...you’re an idiot, Jack...”

His skin was warm and comforting; the way his fingers kept stroking that one smooth indent near his hips, it felt familiar and...a bit arousing, actually. Jack paused for all of 3 seconds, deciding if he really was in the mood--and then threw that thought to the wind as his fingers reached down and gently grasped his own member, which was hot and stiffening as he stroked it. He sighed, maybe it wasn’t so bad to be alone, wanking yourself off to relieve some stress and think angry thoughts about your twin...and then somehow his brain took a sudden sharp turn and he wondered if Adam ever touched himself. ‘Of course, don’t be an idiot, everyone does it...especially since we’re twins...’ Yet for some reason Jack had a hard time imagining his stoic, ‘boy scout’ older brother even doing something as...crude and vulgar as masturbating. Even if it was normal. Even if Jack himself found nothing wrong with it. Or maybe he only did it very rarely? ‘Though given that he’s going out with Sio now, that might not be the case...’

His hands were starting to become rather slippery inside his trousers, and with a grunt he kicked them off, breathing a little heavier now as he continued pumping his hand, sweat starting to form from the increasing heat he was feeling. ‘I wonder if he feels good the same way I do...in the same places...’ A dark blush formed on his cheeks as Jack remembered when he first realised that he’d enjoyed anal sex. ‘N-No...there’s no way Adam would, he’s too good for that...’

But was he really? Perhaps Adam was just a late-bloomer, and this relationship would be the thing that opened up his sexuality at last...Jack’s fingers rubbed slowly over the tip, torturing himself with the pain-pleasure as he hissed through his teeth, back arching slightly but he forced himself to relax. The tip had always been particularly sensitive for him; but after being with Nobunagun, so was that hidden place, inside...his member gave another twitch as Jack remembered the sensations of hot-cold pleasure he felt whenever Nobu teased his prostate.

Pausing slightly, he looked around the room, even though there was nobody else in the house--but just the thought of potentially sticking a finger in yourself, in there...it was a little embarrassing but it also made him quite horny. ‘There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just yourself...and you can use a rubber...’ Swallowing nervously, he shed his boxers, rooted around his drawer for a spare condom and some lube before just sitting there, staring at his own dick while a strange feeling ran through him.

‘Can I...even reach that far...?’ Swallowing nervously, he pushed out any last hesitations and slowly reached underneath and forced himself to relax as he gently eased in a single digit. ‘Weird...it’s just, weird...!’ Even though he’d had more experience being penetrated there now with Nobunagun, doing it yourself was different than letting someone else take care of it. He was keenly aware of every sensation, every action and movement was under his control. Grunting, Jack forced the finger in a little deeper, helped by the generous amount of lubrication that Nobunagun had drilled into him was essential to enjoying this. ‘Almost...there...’

Wriggling the finger around, he curled into a fetal-position, gasping as his finger finally found the correct spot. It took another few tries to actually get a rhythm going, but a few strokes in and Jack was already trembling, panting for air as his other hand resumed stroking his length. “Shiiiiit...” His breathing was long and drawn out, the occasional moan surfacing as he stroked harder against that sweet spot. “Ugh--uhn, shit...it feels good...” The sheets were getting stifling as he worked up a sweat, suddenly the chill from earlier seemed to have disappeared and instead was replaced with a burning heat, Jack twitching every so often on the bed, face buried against his pillow that was muffling his increasingly loud cries. It felt quite good, actually...being stimulated in both places, and it wasn’t nearly as difficult or embarrassing as he’d originally feared. His length was leaking out pre-cum, staining his hands and the sheets, but Jack couldn’t be bothered to care at this moment; not when everything was hot and tightly-wound inside his core, muscles quivering as he worked himself towards a release.

‘I wonder if I’ll be able to finish before Adam gets home...I wonder what would happen if he came home right now...’ Even as he was on the verge of climaxing, his brain took yet another twisted turn down a forbidden path; what would it be like if he was doing this with Adam instead.

One single thread of thought warned him that this was a dangerous idea, and then the next thought promptly severed that thread as his hormones overloaded whatever logic remained. His brother, his twin...he knew it was wrong, but somehow the idea continued to play itself out in his mind.

His brother would be gentle, that much was certain; Adam had always disliked unnecessary violence, and despite his appearances, was far more emotional than he’d let on. If anything, Jack was the one who tended to live up to others’ expectations: getting into rows, causing mayhem for no reason other than amusement, willing to let things get a little rough as long as the end goal was achieved...

Adam would most likely be the submissive one in this situation, he decided. Yes, because despite his mere minutes in age superiority, in the end he could never say no to Jack, not...like this. He’d be shocked of course, but he’d come around soon enough, after realising how good it felt. “A-Ah, yeah...see, it feels good for you too, right?” He didn’t even notice his mouth moving, voice coming out as his hands pumped faster, the finger inside pushing more persistently against his prostate. His hand was slippery with pre-cum, his cock throbbing as Jack felt it twitch, signaling his impending orgasm. “Ughn--f-fuck, I’m so close...!” Whimpering, he rolled onto his back, legs spread apart as both hands worked himself. Adam’s face...what would his expression be like as he climaxed? An image of his twin came to mind, Adam’s silver brows furrowed with desperate pleasure, a deep blush across his pale skin as he moaned, sweat dripping down every crevice as his cum started splattering across his stomach--

J-Jack!

“Nnngg...fu--ck, Adammm--!” In the single moment where his brain’s moral side collided with his perverse fantasies Jack came, back stiffly arched while his hand continued stroking his cock as it pulsed between his fingers, overflowing with hot spunk that dripped onto his hands and torso, dampening the sheets below. His feet kicked off the blankets as he shuddered and flipped onto his side, hips still thrusting slightly as the tremors slowly resided; panting, mind still jumbled with the bizarrely-wrong fantasy and his orgasm, Jack slowly withdrew his finger from inside, peeled the condom off into the trash and then collapsed into a limp heap, now exhausted from everything.

‘What the hell...what the fuck...did I seriously just get off by thinking about my own brother?!’ He looked down at his hands and stomach, still coated with patches of white before he fumbled for a tissue to wipe at least the worst of it off. The room was dimmer now that the clouds had darkened, a dull grey as rain continued to fall against the windowpanes. ‘Did that...really just happen? Or was I just dreaming...’ But his body was too tired to think straight now, Jack wearily pulling up the sheets over his lower half as he turned into the mussed pillow, and promptly blacked out. ---- “A-Ano, is this really okay?”

“Yeh, don’t worry Sio--I think it’d be nice if you could join us for dinner; your sister said she’d come too, right?”

“Ah, yes--she’ll be a little late, but Nobu-nee-sama said she could make it.”

Nobu-nee-sama? Bleary emeralds blinked a few times before the ceiling came into focus, but for some reason, despite having slept like a log for the past three hours, Jack’s body still felt like a ton of bricks. A pounding headache only served to worsen the nausea as well, and it took every effort to simply sit up--only to fall back onto the sheets as it felt like he was about to vomit. ‘Fuck...what the hell...?’

The cool sheets seemed much more enticing than getting up, despite the fact that there was very clearly a myriad of voices downstairs, and not just his brother’s. If his mind hadn’t been so fuzzed and hazy, he would’ve pieced together the fact that Adam had invited the Ogura twins over for dinner--perhaps his way of apologizing for running off all the time--but as it stood, Jack only barely comprehended his brother’s voice, the rest was just white noise... Groaning, he tried once more to at least haul himself out of the bed, but as soon as he threw the sheets off a violent chill seized his body, so quick and severe that within a minute he was shivering hard, teeth nearly chattering as he barely managed to pull the sheets up again, curled into a tight, quivering ball.

It was in this state that Adam found him, burning up with a high fever yet it felt like he could never get warm, the chill seeping into his very bones. A hand was shaking his shoulder, but he could not move from this ice prison, lest what little heat he’d managed to retain disappear.

“Jack? Jack!” One harried moment later Adam managed to wrench him free from the cocoon of sheets and blankets, and a cool hand gently brushed his feverish forehead--Jack let out a moan, and the hand was quickly whisked away, followed by urgent whispers and low, harried voices as his brother rushed to find Sio. “Shit--Sio, can you call your sister right now? Tell her that dinner’s probably not happening--I think Jack’s ill; I-I don’t know if it’s serious or not, but--”

He was sick? Well, that would explain the nausea, and the chills and copious amounts of sweat that he seemed to be soaked in--now it was as if someone had turned the heater up, the chills rapidly being replaced with a burning, unbearable heat, Jack flailing to get the covers off. Him, sick? He’d been feeling just fine a few hours ago, besides he couldn’t afford to get sick here; he was almost an adult now, Adam shouldn’t have to be running around and taking care of him as if they were children again.

“Jack? Are you all right? Oy oy, don’t--you can’t just throw the blankets off, going from hot to cold so quickly’ll just make things worse--” With some effort, Adam forced him to lie down again, tucking the sheets back in. “How are you feeling? You’re pretty flushed, and your temperature feels rather high...” Emeralds narrowed with concern as Sio came rushing back in with a thermometer and a message about how Nobunagun was coming as quick as she could, with some food and medicine as well. A metal tip was thrust in his mouth, Jack turning his head away in protest but Adam hushed him and held his head still as the numbers appeared. “39.6 degrees celsius...damn, that’s bad...it’s on the high end...”

“A-Adam...daijoubu?”

“Can you draw a bath? Make it cool, but not icy--I’m afraid the sudden change in temperature might be too much of a shock. If we need to, we’ll add some ice to it later.” His brother’s voice seemed to be very far away, like at the end of a very long tunnel. He wanted to tell Adam that he’d be fine after some rest, but for some reason, no words came from his mouth--other than the sudden urge to heave.

“Urg--A-Adam, I--!”

“Jack? Oh shit--!”

His brother had made a valiant effort for the rubbish bin, but before he could even reach the basket Jack felt his body shudder uncontrollably, before he heaved the day’s lunch all over the bed covers.

“Ugh--f, fuck--shit...”

“Don’t worry about it, here Jack--!” The bin was placed underneath just in time as he felt a second wave come, Jack’s hands grasping around the filthy sheets as he vomited, retching until his head spun from the exertion. “Oy, you feeling a mite better now? C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up, yeh?” A hand reached over and gently but firmly hauled him up, Sio quickly stripping off the soiled bed linens and trekking them to the laundry.

“Uhnn...w, wait, my head...” Groaning, he tried to lie down, but Adam continued half-hauling, half-dragging him to the tub. “Adam...! Stop!” Panting, Jack forced himself from Adam’s grip, lying down on the floor as he waited for the nausea to abate. “My head...it’s so heavy...gotta lie down...”

“I know it’s uncomfortable, but we’re almost there, all right?” A few more stop-and-gos later, and Adam finally managed to haul him to the tiny washroom, but not before another round with the toilet--Jack’s hands were shaking as he gripped the edge, his stomach churning even though at this point there was practically nothing left. The acid stung his throat, and the stench of half-digested food made him feel even worse--he choked out a sob as he made another half-hearted attempt, Adam pulling his sweaty strands out of his face and rubbing his back soothingly.

“Shh, shh it’s all right Jack, I’m here...don’t worry about anything, it’ll be all right...”

Somehow with Adam’s help he managed to get his sweat-soaked clothes off--and then he sprawled into the tub, which was filled with cool water. Even so, his skin felt hypersensitive for some reason--just the slightest movement from the water, or even his brother’s hand, made him recoil and shudder.

“A, All right, all right...let’s just, sit here then,” Adam cautiously sat down next to the tub, gently spooning the water over his feverish skin. “Is this better? We can add some ice if you’re still feeling too hot.”

His head was still woozy, despite the cooler temperature and emptying his stomach of just about everything. What the hell was going on...they were supposed to have dinner, weren’t they? At least, that was what he remembered... Breathing heavily, Jack laid his head to the side of the tub, unable to sit up for too long before the nausea started up all over again.

“Nng...my head...so dizzy...don’t wanna throw up again...” A cool towel brushed against his skin, before he realised that Adam was attempting to wash away the sweat. “Ah--it hurts...everything hurts for some reason...”

“Sorry, sorry...” His brother hastily apologised, before just rinsing him with water. “I thought a bath might make you feel better...and lower your temperature. It’s pretty high...I’m worried, Jack.”

“Tch...’s probably just a cold, or the flu...I’ll, be fine...” Jack closed his eyes, all energy having been sapped; he just wanted to lie in this tub, forget about everything else...

...Or rather, he would have, had the temperature switch not been flipped again, and suddenly the bath became an icy tomb; what was once soothing was now freezing, his whole body shivering as Adam scrambled to empty it, and turn the tap to hot.

“C-Cold...why’s it so cold now...I hate this!” Everything was achy and sore, his head was pounding and even breathing was a chore. Moaning, Jack sank a little deeper into the tub, desperate to stop shivering.

“Shh, Jack it’s all right! Fever and chills...sounds like the flu to me,” Adam’s voice sounded serious, but Jack was too ill to pay much attention. There was a light knock on the door, Sio’s head peeking in just a tad as she took his dirty clothes, and passed along a message that Nobunagun had just arrived.

As much as he didn’t want to move, Jack still had enough sense left to know that staying in the tub forever wasn’t an option; with trembling limbs, he weakly hauled himself out, Adam carrying the brunt of his weight as his brother wrapped him tightly in a towel, before the two staggered back to his bedroom again. In the interim, the two Oguras had swiftly changed everything out, and he sank with a groan onto cool, smooth sheets once more. The bath had cooled his skin somewhat, but as he eased onto his back, the chills seemed to come back with a vengeance, and his freshly-changed t-shirt became damp once more. His ears seemed to be buzzing and stuffed with cotton, each breath a painful wheeze that lessened the nausea only for a second. Adam attempted to get him to drink some water, but Jack could only take a few sips before he heaved it all up again, thankfully in a basin this time. Moaning and shivering, he adamantly refused all attempts to drink or take any of the medicine that Nobunagun had brought, instead burying his head into the pillow, praying for some measure of rest.

“Shit...this is bad...his temperature’s still high and he can’t seem to keep down any fluids...I’m seriously considering if we shouldn’t take him to a doctor...” Adam sighed and left the untouched glass on the table. “I can’t remember the last time either of us were this ill...”

“You think it’s that serious?” Nobunagun’s voiced echoed in, as she took out an assortment of pills. “I mean, if you really need to, I’m sure my parents could drive us to the hospital...”

“...I don’t know. I honestly don’t bloody know...but, I’m pretty worried. Especially since he seems to just be throwing everything back up; dehydration is no joke.”

“Ah, Adam, is this what you wanted?” A rustling of a plastic bag as the younger of the Ogura twins eased into the room, careful to keep her voice low. “I, th-they didn’t have any other flavors, so...I hope Jack-san is okay with this...”

“No, this is fine. Thanks, Sio; you’re a real lifesaver,” Adam smiled gently at the girl, despite everything. “Oy, Jack; you feelin’ all right now?”

Something cool touched his cheek, and Jack managed to squint one eye open. “C’mon, let’s try to get something in you, like electrolytes. Just a little,” his brother coaxed, pouring just a bit into the cup.

“Nng...no; I don’t want to...I feel like shit...” Just the thought of swallowing caused him to dry heave, nevermind drinking anything else.

“I know, but you need to try and drink something; since food isn’t an option, you need some fluids.” An arm reached behind his back, and he realized Adam was helping him to sit up. “There we go...just a little, and see how that goes...”

It stayed down for all of five minutes, before his stomach rejected the liquid and he violently upended it, the bluish sports drink splashing onto the newly changed sheets. “Ugn...n-no, no more...please...just let me rest...” 

“Fuck...” There were no more clean blankets to be had, so Adam simply brought over his own from the other room. “All right, just...rest for now, then.”

“Adam...is Jack-san, going to be okay?” Sio’s timid voice crept back into the room, as both of the Oguras came in.

Adam sighed as he sank into his brother’s chair. None of them wanted to leave Jack alone, despite the risk of catching the same virus. “...I have to admit, I’m extremely worried. His fever is still high, and If he can’t keep any fluids down...we might have to seriously take him to a hospital and get him an IV or something...”

At the mention of a hospital however, a new wave of panic kicked in full-force, which only made Jack feel even worse. Going to see a doctor? Getting an IV in a hospital? Was he really that ill? As Adam hovered over him taking his temperature, he jerked out of his brother’s grasp, fearful of the consequences.

“Wha--Jack, hold still--I’m just--” The thermometer clattered to the floor as Adam attempted to force him back into bed, but even in his weakened state, Jack was a handful.

“No, no! Don’t...please don’t take me to a hospital, I’m not--I’ll be fine, I swear--!” Suddenly the nausea and everything else seemed to recede, because this was a bigger threat--the hospital, full of the smell of disinfectants and where people went and never came back out--

“Jack, hush--nobody’s going anywhere--”

Please, don’t...don’t send me away!” 

“Jack, we’re not--all right, all right, it’s going to be fine...no hospitals, okay? Nothing like that...” 

It took the combined force of the three of them--the Ogura twins and Adam--before they finally forced Jack back into bed, lying down and somewhat tucked in. Nobody dared breathe another word about going to the hospital or anything like that, lest they set him off again.

“Ano, does...is Jack-san, afraid of hospitals?” Sio whispered quietly as Nobunagun took her turn watching over Jack, smoothing his sweaty hair and patting his hand in an attempt at reassurance.

Adam heaved a heavy sigh, before composing himself somewhat. “...Guess you could say that. It’s not that he’s afraid of needles or whatnot--but more what it stands for.” Green eyes furrowed in a long lost memory, of when the boys were young and blissfully ignorant of the world. “...When we were small, we used to say that it was a place where you went in, but never came back out...somehow, Jack took that idea a lot more...seriously, than I did. He’ll tolerate going for a check-up or something, but anything even remotely close to the idea of being drugged up and wheeled in? Forget it.”

“Oh...” Sio could only nod silently after that.

After a while, Nobunagun muttered something about being hungry, and the three reluctantly dragged themselves out of the room, Adam gently patting his brother’s arm and whispering that they were just going to be downstairs. And then at last it was silent; no sounds except for his own ragged breathing, and the muted noises from the trio downstairs. Despite having almost nothing in his stomach, Jack wasn’t hungry--his throat was unbearably parched, but he didn’t dare risk drinking anything, at least not now. Only sleep sounded good; the chills seemed to have lessened somewhat, but the headache and nausea remained.

‘Is this my punishment? For thinking lewd thoughts about my twin...’ No, even in his feverish state, he had enough sense to know that likely the combination of rain and being around so many people on a daily basis had lead to this nasty flu--but still he couldn’t help but think of it as a consequence. Even worse was the fact that the forbidden temptation remained--thinking about Adam in such a manner...it made him fearful but there was also an edge of guilty pleasure attached; like a child who got caught stealing a biscuit, but continued to do so anyway.

“No...stop it, you freak.” Adam was his brother...as twins, they were closer than that of normal siblings, but that was it--he cared deeply for Adam, about his well-being and happiness. Nothing more, nothing less. Even if such sentiments might not be returned...he couldn’t go down that other path. Shivering, he gingerly drank just a sip of the sports drink Adam had left by his bedside, and prayed it wouldn’t come up again. 

Just before he fully drifted off, someone came back into the room--maybe it was Adam or Nobunagun, or even Sio, but Jack was too tired to open his eyes. That someone carefully rearranged the blankets, refilled the cup with some more electrolytes, before slowly smoothing the bangs on his forehead once, and then closing the door quietly. A faint scent remained in the air, smelling like that peculiar fruity mixture of citrus and flowers.

It was the same scent as the shampoo that his brother had bought when they first arrived, simply because it was the cheapest.